saving_james

I'm formulating a plan.
It's going to be a big plan.
It'll be long.
But it'll happen.
There are lots of things that I need in order to reach my goal.
There are lots of things that I don't need in order to reach my goal.
I'm going to end up sorting through them all eventually.
I don't have the time or energy now, I don't think.


I need to do laundry, but my sister seems to have stolen the washing machine.
I suppose I can gather my laundry.


I give up.
You win.
I lose.

So...
I was going to write about how life is going these days, but then I realized that save for last night, about the only thing that goes on is well, work and counseling.
Hahaha.
Stayed over at Nicci's last night.
We watched The Last Kiss and baked cookies.
I ate about a million cookies.
And by a million, I mean probably about 5 or 6.
Close enough to a million.
Yeah, I don't really have a lot of time for anything or anyone else save for work, but I somehow managed to get this weekend off.
I don't know how. I know I didn't sleep with anyone.
I think I might have said something about that in my last entry or three, but well, oh well.
I'm kind of hungry.
Hungry for somewhat real food.
More real than cookies, anyway.
I think that I'm staying in tonight.
I need to clean my room.
I need to clean my room because I need to find my meds.
I haven't taken them for three days now because I can't find them.
I know that they're in my room somewhere, but well, I haven't had the time or energy to go on a hunt for them.
But it's something that I REALLY need to make time for.
Probably about the ONLY thing that I really need to make time for.
I just deleted a bunch of this entry because it sounded too much like a pity entry, so I got rid of it.
The gist of it was that I've decided that I'm content with the way things are right now.
Save for having to go to a shrink weekly(which has not been changed to every other week).
I've read about how people aren't quite so content with their lives as far as their friendships/relationships go, and my response to that is if you don't like it, fix it.
I'm not talking to any one person specifically.
Actually, I'm talking about Kevin, Nicci, and Stephanie.
If you don't want to be friends with someone, don't. If you don't feel that you see/talk to your friends enough, then talk to them/make more frequent plans to see them. Sometimes it's hard to get over lost friendships/romantic relationships, but if you really want to get better and move on, YOU'RE the one who has to say, "okay, I'm done." and decide that you want to move on and just do it. Yeah, it takes time and work to do so, but it's totally doable(do-able)
However, at the same time, if you're content with the way things are going, then keep them as they are. Do exactly what you're doing and don't change it for anybody except yourself.
Alright.
I think I like that version of my entry better than the portion that I deleted.
Password changed.
No comments.
If you have something to say, make the time and say it to ME, not my journal.

Sooo...a couple of weeks ago, I bought a dress.
Then I bought a sweater that I HOPED would go with the dress.
Today I bought some heels that I HOPED would go with the dress.
I think that they look pretty good.
Actually, I really like it.
First pair of heels.
Clearance.
$16.32
Hahaha.
I'll have to find another occasion for the dress aside from work.
I really want to wear it.
But it's a little out of season as of right now.
It's not quite spring yet.
I wonder when the first day of spring is...
I don't remember.
I could always check my calendar.
I want to say that it's the 21st of March.
Sounds about right.
I work tomorrow.
Kalani hasn't had a day off for two weeks, so well, I decided to throw out the idea of giving her one of my days off for the week so that she could have three days off (Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday) so hopefully she'll feel a littly teeny bit better or something.
I was really excited that Amanda allowed me to switch the schedule like that, and I'm really excited that Kalani took me up on my offer.
After confirming the schedule change, it occurred to me that it'll make up the time for the three hours I'll miss on Friday due to my appointment, plus give me an extra two. That's kind of cool.
I'm off on Saturday!
I kind of wonder how I managed that one.
I sure as hell didn't sleep with anyone for it.
Oh well. I'm not complaining.
I found out that even though I was only scheduled for 34.5 hours last week, I ended up working, I guess 49.5 hours or something like that.
I love it.
I should sleep.

Started at 10.30 today, didn't get off until 12.30.
Had an hour break. Well, 45 minutes, but basically the same thing.
The store was pretty busy today.
People didn't leave until about 20ish minutes after we closed.
Bitches.
I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow.
I am sooooo tired.
dksl;fjalkdjfldkghsjdhalgkjdfhgkja;dlskfj

Don't feel obligated to talk to me if you have doubt in the level of confidentiality between us.


16 days.

Ended up working from 12 until 9.30 instead.
Extra hour to the paycheck.
Not looking forward to going back tomorrow morning, and then going back AGAIN at four.
Actually, it's not the going to work the first time around I'm not looking forward to, but the second time...ick.
My computer screen is really dusty and dirty.
It's gross.
Allie said that she thinks that I should be an assistant manager today.
I don't think that she's coming tomorrow night to do inventory.
I'm going to be there forever.
I'm tired.


15 days.

I was going to go to bed about two hours ago.
Talked to Jimmy instead.
Finished one book, started another.
I work 1-close tomorrow.
10.30-1 Sunday, and then am back at 4 until however long it takes to do inventory.
Monday I work 12-8.30
Tuesday, I have an appointment with a counselor.
Her name is Mondelia.
My mom wanted me to try it because, well, the doctors at Madigan said that I should try counseling again.
I'm fine though.
Oh well.
I'd rather not have my family worry about me anyway.
I was giggly today in the car after work, and my mom asked me if I was forcing my laughter, and if it was going to end with another hysterical fit that was going to scare the family again.
Haha.
Oh you.
One of my Something Corporate cds came in the mail on Wednesday.
It has a couple songs on it that weren't on the American release.
One of my new favorites is This Broken Heart.
Not because I'm heartbroken, but because I like the sound and the lyrics are good too.
I just like how it flows in general.



14 days.

I just bought 3 Sailor Moon watches.
One for myself, and two for Nicci.
We are very excited.
I'm still waiting on my Something Corporate cd.
After one more cd(waiting for next paycheck, I think), I'm going to let go of the e-bay-ing for a while.
It DOES get addicting.
So much for saving my money.
I still have over $200 so if I don't make any major purchases this week, then I should be good.

So I'm really excited about the plans that I'm developing.
Boys are dogs.
I can't stop making fun of Kyle.
Even though, well, aside from the text message part, he didn't do anything wrong.
Oh dear Lord, my sisters are watching American Idol...this is absolutely terrible.
I'm thinking that I'm going to have to come up with a better plan.
Hmmm.
I got a really cute dress yesterday.
I also went to Madigan and got some anti-depressants.
Well, some temps until I get a full prescription.
I was seen by 3 or 4 doctors and a nurse. Plus the pre-doctor that I saw before the actual um...doctor room? I dunno.
I'm really tired of the snow/ice/slush.
I wish that I hadn't have left my yogurt at Michelle's house.
I can't drink with my meds.
Kind of sucks.
I don't do it super duper often, but well, I like doing it sometimes.
I wish that I didn't worry so much about disappointing people.
Everyone else is entitled to doing stupid things, seemingly without worrying about what others think.
Why can't I?
Just this once?
Fuck.

I kind of want to push Kyle in the mud.
Well, no, that wouldn't do anything.
But the thought crossed my mind earlier and it was mildly amusing.
He didn't really do anything.

I feel like a "typical" ex girlfriend.
The kind I'm afraid of becoming.
I checked my myspace just now, to find that he had wasted NO time whatsoever in making sure that I was deleted an that his status was changed to single, and he was on myspace for friends and for dating.
Haha, couldn't even wait a full day.
I kind of want to go fuck a few people so that when he decides to be able to talk to me(probably when he's found some other chick to come show off to me), then I'll be able to be like, "congratulations on your girlfriend. I've fucked about four other guys since you. It all feels the same now. How are you doing?" or something to that emo/guilt-trippy effect.
Haha, I am a bitch.
I don't know that I'm mad at him though.
I'm hurt, but not mad, I don't think.
I don't know what to do with myself.
I'm going to sound so fucking emo that it's not even going to be funny.
Even though I'm far from it, I feel really really really alone.
I'm missing someone that I've been so used to having with me.
It's really weird in the worst possible way.
I have a massive headache.
I feel even emptier now than I have been before this happened.
Even though I bitch and moan about this, I know that I brought this all on upon myself.
I'm the one who decided that we should take a break.
I really should have thought about it more before deciding something like that though.
I guess it works out for the best for him though.
Apparently he'd been thinking the same thing for a couple of days or something.
Longer than I had been.
And for different reasons.
He decided to wait until tonight to tell me that he can't stand my friends.
He's hated everything that's gone on since he and Karin broke up.
Well Kyle, I'm sorry to have been such a fucking inconvenience in your life.
It's not like I could have done anything about him disliking my friends, but had I known sooner, things still could have been made better. Even if I wasn't in the picture, at least he wouldn't have to deal with "all of the shit" that he's been putting up with, and then the game wouldn't have had to have been drug on.
Lol, he even deleted me on livejournal.
He doesn't even use his.
Holy shit, that boy wasted no time in getting rid of me.
Anyway, this whole "break" thing worked out perfectly for him because, well, he'd decided that was best before I did, and it worked out in the end for him.
He told me that he still wanted to be friends though.
Either through tears, or him trying not to cry, he told me that.
But he also told me that he wanted to duck out of the picture.
He told me that it wouldn't be for a long time...like years or anything like that.
But for a few weeks or a few months or something like that.
This is the SECOND fucking time this has happened.
He called me to tell me that he and Karin couldn't be friends with me because I was friends with Michelle, and now he tells me that he wants to be friends, but he doesn't want to see me or talk to me, but doesn't want me to forget him.
How the fuck am I going to forget you, you dumbass.
Haha, I am such a fool.
I really really am.
I believed it when he told me that he loved me.
AND I gave myself up to him.
What the fuck was I thinking?
I am such a mother fucking idiot.
Holy shit, you guys, I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really don't like myself, and feel that I deserve everything that I'm feeling right about now.
I've got a massive headache still.
I want to go to sleep.
I want to cry, but this whole crying thing is getting old.

***Edit***

Sorry for all of the ranting, bitching, and moaning.
I'm not really sure what to do and I'm not good at expressing myself in any acceptable ways.

I kind of wish I could just say goodbye.

Hmmm...I haven't been very happy with life lately.
I love Christmas to death. I love spending the time with my family, which is what I got to do today, but despite this, well, I still feel empty.
I've decided that's what the feeling is...is emptiness.
I don't know why.
I've got my family, friends, and boyfriend who care about me(as far as I know, anyway. Moreso than it would be hurtful to me, I think it would be insulting to them to assume that they don't)
I work from 8 until 4.30 tomorrow morning, then I'm hanging out with Kyle.
I don't know right now that I really want to.
Not because I don't want to see him, because I miss him about as much as I feel I'm able to, but I dunno. I just don't want to really do anything.
At least I can come home and sleep after that as I'm off on Wednesday.
Thursday, I don't have to be at work until 3.
I love it.
Ideal times for ideal sleeping schedules.
Pfff
Like I can sleep most of that.
I always feel like I'm missing something. Even if it's just sitting at the computer or watching a movie or something.
So the GREATEST part of my day today I think, was about two or so hours ago when I talked to Michelle, and she told me that DJ gave Levi my iPod, and that she'll probably see him within the next day or two.
This means that I get Chad back.
I miss him so much. I've been going through withdrawls.
I watched Fruits Basket today because, well, my father got the set for me on DVD.
I've been waiting for TWO years for it.
Last year, I got season 5 of Sailor Moon(currently at Kevin's. Kevin, I hope that you're enjoying it.)
and the year before that, I got the three Sailor Moon movies on dvd.
Both bomb gifts, but I've been wanting Fruits Basket for ages. Ever since 11th grade, when Lauren first let me borrow them.
I have to take a shower and go to bed.
I don't want to be up at 7.
Blech.
I think that I feel my best when I'm working in my place of employment.

Went to my grandma's house to bake.
Wasn't as early as I thought it would be.
Up at 10.30, went over at noon.
Didn't finish all of the baking, but got some done.
Have to work tomorrow at 12 and am off at 8.30.
Kevin, I called you back, but you're probably at work.
I called you before you left for your cousin's too, but you didn't call back.
Maybe at work or something.
When I'm sad or something(generally negative), I feel that I'm going to lose my friends and it doesn't really bother me.
When I'm not sad or anything, I don't really worry about it, but the thought is still somewhere in my mind that it's not really out of the realm of possibilities, but I still don't feel that I'd be too upset about it.
Feeling really lethargic.
Should hang out with Michelle, but she's hanging out with Kevin later.
I don't know that I'd be all that much fun anyway.
I might.
Who knows though.
Called Michelle a little while ago, but she didn't pick up.
Hasn't called me back yet.
Oh well.
I deserve it.
It's not like I always pick up my phone either.
I promise I'm not trying to ignore anyone.
Forgot my phone at home today on accident.
Kind of pissed me off.
Was really lazy today.
Wished that there were wheels on my butt so that I wouldn't have to get up to go anywhere.
Thoughts of a true fat-ass.
Hope the rents get home soon.
Mom totalled her work car.
Three car accident.
Nobody was hurt though.
That's good.
My fingers are cold.

I need to try to schedule a doctors appointment for tomorrow.
I keep putting it off.
Or I just don't have the time.
I'm off tomorrow though. I like that part.
I'm going to go bake cookies at my grandmother's house with my sisters.
I haven't seen them in about a day and a half.
Well, no, I saw them at around 9 last night when I came home from work.
Then I slept at Kyle's place, and from there, went to work.
I didn't get out until about 10 minutes to 12.
That is so fucked up.
There is NO reason that the mall should be open until 11.
I don't care how much shopping you still have left to do. You probably should have thought about that back in October/November.
Fucking procrastinators.
Not like I'm one to talk about procrastinating or anything like that.
Oh shit, I almost forgot!
I still have to get a Secret Santa gift by Sunday.
Good thing I was looking at my cell phone.
I don't know why my cell phone reminded me of that.
Kyle sprayed me with his I-dunno-what-it-is-stuff today shortly after we got up.
Apparently it was to get me back for spraying him with the old woman spray.
Haha.
I smelled like Kyle all day today.
I really wish that...I don't know what I wish.
I don't cut because I'm too much of a pussy.
I'm mildly envious of those who can stand to do that.
I don't od on shit because, well, really, I don't aim for suicide because I find it to be selfish and stupid, but sometimes I just feel like I don't really deserve the things that I have.
My friends, family, boyfriend, job, money, teriyaki(short term), etc.
Sometimes I feel that I just kind of deserve to be in pain.
Part of the reason why I don't normally take pain meds for head aches and whatnot.
I wish I was drunk.
I don't have any hard alcohol though.
Just some Bailies shit or whatever it is that my mom won.
Not that I'd drink hers, even if I did like it.
I don't like beer.
Bitch beer doesn't get me drunk quickly enough because, well, it's got a low alcohol percentage and my bladder/stomach can't hold that much, and I don't like weed, so I've decided that I'm a hard-a type of girl.
Most of it tastes like shit, but it gets you drunk pretty quickly.
Granted, I get to deal with a whole new slew of problems, but it's something different than the everyday norm.
THOUGH
last time I got drunk, I was with Michelle at this after party, and well, there were a bunch of guys there.
That wasn't so much the problem, but I got hit on a whole lot.
The first guy was annoyed that the first thing out of my mouth was that I wasn't single(that's because the first thing out of my mouth was 'hello', dickhead)so he didn't try anything with me, but there was Gerry(he was like, 29) who even though I told many times I had a boyfriend, wouldn't get the hell off of me.
Yeah, I was drunk, but I wasn't so drunk that I didn't know what was going on.
According to Zach, he wasn't serious. He just gets like that.
I even confronted him about that and he kept telling me I was different. Haha, fucker.
I'm not that stupid.
But anyway, back to my original rant, he just wouldn't lay off. I don't know how many times I pulled away from him.
I didn't completely make it though.
He assulted my ear, nape of my neck, cheek, and lips with his lips. Kyle knows this, thank goodness, and isn't mad at me.
I would have been very upset and uneasy if something like that happened to Kyle.
But I'm just a bitch though.
Then there was a Brian guy there who looked all of about 14 who was really 19 or 20. I only know this because Michelle and I were giving he and his friend shit about it, and they both actually whipped out their drivers licenses, and sure enough, they were 18 and 19/20. I told him that I had a boyfriend too, and while he wasn't as...I dunno. Blunt about what he wanted, he still tried. He kissed my hand and forehead.
He was truthful though and admitted to thinking that Michelle was hotter than me, which is true no matter how you look at it. I'm kind of jealous because, well, I've always wanted to be pretty, but well, it's not really working out so well for me.
Of the three guys who somehow skillfully got my number(actually, it's not that skillfull...my phone was taken from me and they called their phones from it. I'm a bad liar.), Brian(thank goodness) has been the only person to actually use my number. He's texted me a couple of times, but that's it.
You guys, I'm not a slut.
And while, yeah, I'm sure that I could deal with feeling like shit, and I'd deserve it, Kyle does not.
He's been here for me and has listened to my drunken rants without getting really angry. I feel bad that he still worries about me. While I don't want him to, at the same time, it's kind of comforting. Sort of. Not really, but in a way it is. If that makes any sense. I'm sure it doesn't.
But yes.
In closing(to this particular journal topic), I like being drunk sometimes, but not around a crowd like that.
There are very few people whom I would want to be drunk around.
Well, no, there aren't. I kind of lied.
There are very few of my friends whom I'd want to subject me being drunk to.
So far that's just Michelle and Stephanie because, well, I've been drunk with both of those girls.
I don't know why, but I can't send text messages from my phone.
I can recieve them, but I can't send them.
People can't leave me voice mails either.
These two things aggrivate me a lot.
So I've got to be up in probably about 8 hours.
Sure, that sounds like plenty of time, but really, if I could, I'd probably end up sleeping all day.
I slept for about 12ish hours last night, and then still stayed in bed for another two hours.
I am on lazy fat ass.
In closing...
I'm done eating my teriyaki.
I'm excited for Christmas.
I wish I was intoxicated.
I want to go to bed.
I am going to go to bed within the next 10 minutes.
My hair smells like Kyle.
I don't like me.

I'm so pissed, I didn't even know how to start this.
So, my 16 year old siister is sitting in her bedroom. She just got done crying.
My nice, intelligent, BEAUTIFUL sister.
Why?
Because some little fuckers decided that it would be cool to call her ugly.
I fucking hate imature underclassmen, and I'm not even in high school anymore.
Don't get me wrong; I don't hate ALL underclassmen.
I was one.
My sister was one.
My other sister will be one.
Actually, not just underclassmen.
Just people in general.
The people who are so unhappy with themselves and what's going on in their lives, that they feel the need to put other people down.
I mean, honestly. What joy do you get out of insulting someone like that? Openly?
Sure, I mean, I'm not going to lie. There are times when I make fun of people too, but I don't do it in the open or to their faces.
Unless I'm joking and I make it clear, of course.
(Kevin, you fatass.)
But the fact that they were serious, and felt the need to make sure that Melissa knew that they didn't think that she was good looking makes me want to...I dunno. Probably not snipe them, but maybe punch them or something.
Except that physical pain heals relatively quickly, so I think that I'd much rather make every fucking flaw, physical and otherwise VERY well known to them. To everyone around them.
THEN maybe they can see what they do to other people.
My sister is probably one of the nicest people I know. She is one of the smartest people I know. She is one of the most beautiful people that I know.
She doesn't deserve any of this shit.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Okay, so I was listening to Love Line earlier, and I heard one of the hosts or whatever say something about some celebrity magazing and how they'd like to see Dr. Drew(sp?) under the "Celebrities: They're Just Like Us!" section, and I just wanted to share with you all what I think of that.

I think that it's bullshit.
Of COURSE celebrities are just like us.
They came out of their respective mother's vaginas. "Just like us!"
They wore diapers and drank from bottles/their moms. "Just like us!"
They went through their lives up to the point that they're at now. "Just like us!"
They did/do wreckless and stupid things. "Just like us!"
See a pattern?
That's because they're human. "Just like us!"
The only difference is that often times, depending on the degree of the crime, it's overlooked because of their social status.
So I suppose that's one way that they're not like us.
But the fact that whatever magazine I'm talking about has a section dedicated to comparing celebrities to "normal" people is just really stupid.
I don't believe that people should be put on pedestals no matter what their social status is.
I'm sure that some people would argue with me, saying that they work hard to get to where they're at.
I say that that's great, and that I'm not saying that they don't.
What about the people who AREN'T celebrities who work just as hard to get where they are?
They aren't Ooh'd and Ahh'd at now are they?
I think not.
Morons.

Sorry guys. That was really random, but I really wanted to get that out.

I never lost my iPod. It was in my purse. In my CLEAR purse. I have NO clue how I lost it in there. Hahaha. I hung out with Michelle and Stephanie last night. It was pretty fun. I enjoyed myself for the most part, so that's good. Stephanie gave me a WHOLE BUNCH of manga. I don't even have enough room for all of MY manga on my shelves. I'm excited though. Some of these series, I haven't read all the way through. I'll probably be up late reading. I used to do that a whole lot. Some nights, I wouldn't go to sleep until around 6 in the AM because, well, I was reading manga. I kind of miss those days. :(
So my sister reminded me last night that I have (now)9 days until my birthday. Michelle reminded me that I'll no longer be a teenager, and never will be again. It kind of disappoints me, really. I know that I can't just not grow up...everyone does, but I don't know that I really want to. Especially if things are just going to be the way they are now, only worse. I'm tired of drugs seemingly taking over everyones lives. Of course maybe THEY don't look at it that way, but to those on the outside looking in, that's kind of how it's working out.
I love how I always worry about things that I can't do anything about.
In other news, it's been snowing off and on between last night and today! I love the snow. Except...I still have to go to work regardless, so that's really no fun.
SPEAKING OF WORK
Tomorrow night is the only night I close all week. I think that I have two opening shifts and two mid-shifts for the rest of the week.
I really wish that I wasn't closing tomorrow night. I COULD be watching a show on Extra Terrestrials, but I can't because it starts at 8, and I won't get out until probably around 9.30.
In closing...I have nothing to add.
I really like these cookies.

Hmm. I kind of wanted to be in bed by now. It's okay though. I don't have to get up really early tomorrow.
I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. First I couldn't fall asleep, and then when I did, I just woke up again repeatedly.
I think I have a zit coming in on the inside of my nose or something like that. Anyone besides Kevin or Nicci reading this entry will probably find it gross, but well, maybe Kevin and Nicci will too, but for some reason, I don't think that it'll bother them.
Oh yes. I have one. It's not noticable unless you're looking for it, but it still hurts if I accidentally touch it.
How in the world do you touch a nose zit unless you're picking your nose? One may ask?
Well, I don't know. But I wasn't picking my nose. I think I accidentally squirted orange juice on my nose and I went to clean it up and all of a sudden, OUCH. It hurt.
Anyway, moving on from the nose zit.
Kyle should be here soon. I hope. If he's not here by the time I'm done with this entry, I'm going to go read.
Thinking on this, I kind of hope he doesn't show up within the next 5 minutes.
I accidentally left my iPod at work, I think, as it's not in my purse, but I had it this morning.
Well, if it is, it's probably in the cupboard.
At least I hope it is.
I suppose the worse that'll happen is it'll be lost or stolen and then I'll go buy a new one.
Ultimately, it doesn't matter.
Except that I have this iPod radio thingy, and I won't have an iPod to play on it.
There will have gone over $400 worth of electronics.
However, I'm fairly confident that Chad is just in the cupboard at work.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
I think that I'll go read now.
That means that I get either Love Line or no music.
I think I'm going to go with the latter option.
How clever.
Latter.
Option.
Two words that if used at work in the context that they were JUST used in, would probably well...I don't know what would happen.
Sometimes I'm asked why I word things the way I do.
I thin it's kind of silly. I just have a bigger vocabulary, you sillies.
Good night.

I am so tired. Kyle SHOULD be here soon.
I open tomorrow morning and am then off at 4.30.
Today was NOT a good day AT all.
I don't feel like going into detail about it as of right now.
I've decided that I'm going to go back to school.
I'm pretty excited.
I'm sure that it'll prove to be a bit more difficult, but it's something that I've decided I want to do.
I'm going to work harder for this than I did in high school.
I mean, I did alright...but I didn't do super well.
Kinda blows, but whatever. I did it to myself.
I'm thirsty and I need to brush my teeth.
I think that I'll go remedy both issues.
Good.

So I have a meeting with Kaye tomorrow. Well, Allie said probably tomorrow. Friday at the latest. I'm really excited. It's for the Head Cashier position. I get to open tomorrow, and I'm there until 5.30. I don't know what I work Friday due to my schedule change(that I haven't gotten to fix), but I know that I'm o/c for 2-close on Saturday.
Tomorrow, I'm hanging out with Michelle after she gets off, and then with Kyle after he gets off. I haven't seen either of the two in a while. I don't remember when I saw Michelle last. I miss her. I know that I haven't seen Kyle in 6, almost 7 days. I miss him a whole lot. :(
I was so scared last night. I thought that I was going to lose him. An onlooker would look at the situation, and probably think that it was really stupid, as it was basically miscommunication/a lack of communication, but, well, I was so scared. I honestly cannot ever remember breaking down that badly over anything. It's like...it was a totally new experience. Not one that I'd like to relive.
But it did help me to realize how much he means to me. I think that I'll continue to discover more of this as we're together and time passes.
Cheeseball anyone?
Hahaha.
Friday, hopefully I work something that's NOT a closing shift...I think maybe I work open to 4.30. That would be kind of cool. I believe for Stephanie's birthday, we're going to a Siren's Sister show. Which reminds me, I still have to find her a gift.
Saturday, I've come up with some ideas for that...if I work, it'll have to be post work, but it'll still happen. I can't wait. I also think that I know what I want to get Nicci for her birthday. Why can't all people be easy to shop for?
On that note, I still have no clue as to what to get Kyle for Christmas. I've got my mom and sisters down...but I still have Kyle, Stephanie, Michelle, Kevin, Nicci, my dad, grandparents...probably some other people I'm forgetting...
But anyway, I'm stoked for Saturday.
I'm stoked for my meeting.
I'm stoked for Michelle.
I'm stoked for Stephanie.
I'm stoked for Starbucks.
I'm stoked for SEEING KYLE.
I'm stoked for Nicci.
I'm stoked for Kevin.
I'm stoked for Saturday.
I also need to go to sleep.
There was no specific order of that list of things I'm stoked for. Didn't list by best to worst. Didn't do a favoritism thing. Despit the capitalizations, but that's just because, well, obvious reasons.
Good night. Good night.
P.S.
It's raining, and I can hear it from inside of my house. :DDDDDDDD